“Should I let my dog say Hello to every dog?”

Why more socialisation isn’t always better for your dog

We hear it all the time: “My dog needs more socialisation.”

So, naturally, owners take their dog to the dog park, encourage them to meet every dog on a walk, allow strangers to approach and fuss over them, or deliberately put them into busy environments because they believe more exposure must be good for them.

But what if your dog doesn’t actually need more socialisation?

What if they need less interaction, more space and the opportunity to learn that they don’t have to engage with every dog or person they see?

This may sound strange coming from dog trainers, but one of the biggest misunderstandings we see around dog behaviour is what socialisation actually means.

Socialisation doesn’t mean making friends

Somewhere along the way, we seem to have turned a well-socialised dog into the canine equivalent of the person who works the whole room at a party.

They must love everyone. They must play with other dogs. They should happily greet strangers. And if they don’t, we worry that something is wrong.

But that isn't what we should necessarily be aiming for.

A well-socialised dog doesn't need to want to interact with every dog they see. In fact, one of the most useful things we can teach a dog is that other dogs can simply exist around them without anything happening.

Think about what we actually need from our dogs in everyday life.

We want to walk past another dog without being dragged across the pavement. We want to sit outside a café without our dog desperately trying to greet the dog at the next table. We want them to see people, children, bicycles, cars and other animals without becoming overwhelmed or over-excited.

That ability to remain calm and neutral is incredibly valuable.

Stop making your dog say Hello

This is where we're going to be slightly controversial.

Your dog does not need to say hello to every dog they meet.

And they certainly don't need to be made to.

Imagine being taken into a room full of complete strangers and being expected to hug every one of them. Some people would love it. Others would be looking for the nearest exit.

Dogs have individual personalities too.

Some are naturally sociable. Some prefer a small number of familiar dogs. Some don't particularly want to interact with other dogs at all.

And that's OK.

If your dog slows down, turns their head away, moves behind you, becomes stiff, lowers their body or tries to create distance, they may already be telling you that they're uncomfortable.

Forcing the interaction because “they need to socialise” doesn't necessarily make them more confident.

It may teach them that their attempts to avoid an uncomfortable situation don't work.

More exposure isn't always the answer

Another phrase we hear is:

“They just need to get used to it.”

Sometimes carefully managed exposure absolutely can form part of training. But simply exposing a dog repeatedly to something they find frightening, frustrating or overwhelming isn't the same thing as helping them feel differently about it.

This is particularly important with reactive dogs.

An owner may think taking a reactive dog somewhere full of dogs will help them become accustomed to other dogs. But if that dog spends the entire experience tense, barking, lunging or desperately trying to escape, they're not necessarily learning that other dogs are safe.

They may simply be practising the same reaction again and again.

Quality matters more than quantity.

One calm, carefully managed experience at an appropriate distance can be far more useful than twenty overwhelming encounters.

Dog parks aren’t for every dog

Dog parks can be great fun for the right dogs.

But they're not a compulsory part of dog ownership.

Putting several unfamiliar dogs together in an enclosed space introduces lots of variables. Different personalities, play styles, sizes, ages and levels of training are suddenly mixed together.

Some dogs thrive in that environment.

Others don't.

And a dog standing beside you, avoiding other dogs or repeatedly trying to leave isn't necessarily “being antisocial.”They may simply be communicating that this isn't an environment they enjoy.

There's no prize for having a dog that loves dog parks.

Over-socialisation can create another problem

There is another side to this that owners don't always consider.

A dog can become too interested in other dogs.

If a puppy learns that seeing another dog always means running over, playing and having a wonderful time, what happens when they're older and suddenly there's a leash preventing them from doing it?

You may get staring.

Pulling.

Whining.

Barking.

Lunging.

The owner sees the barking and lunging and thinks:

“My dog has become aggressive.”

But sometimes what we're actually seeing is frustration. The dog desperately wants to reach the other dog and the leash is preventing them from doing so.

This is one reason teaching neutrality is so important.

Seeing another dog shouldn't automatically mean interaction is about to happen.

Sometimes nothing happens at all.

And that's a useful lesson.

What should good socialisation look like?

Good socialisation isn't about ticking off how many dogs your puppy has met.

It's about helping your dog learn how to cope with the world.

That can mean watching another dog from a comfortable distance. Walking calmly past somebody. Hearing unfamiliar noises without panicking. Experiencing different surfaces and environments. Learning to settle somewhere new. Meeting suitable dogs when appropriate.

And, importantly, learning that they don't have to interact with everything around them.

Your dog should be able to look at the world without feeling they need to investigate, chase, greet, play with or defend themselves against everything in it.

That's a very different goal from simply creating a dog that loves playing with other dogs.

Learn to read the dog in front of you

Dog training isn't about forcing every dog into the same mould.

Watch the individual dog.

What does their body language tell you?

Are they relaxed and choosing to interact, or are they tolerating something because they have no way of leaving?

Are they happily approaching another dog, or are you shortening the leash and taking them closer?

Are they genuinely enjoying the dog park, or have we decided that they should enjoy it?

Sometimes the best thing an owner can do is simply say:

“You don't have to say hello.”

Giving a dog that choice doesn't mean allowing them to avoid the world forever. It means creating experiences at a level they can cope with and gradually helping them build confidence.

The goal isn't a dog that loves everybody

After decades of working with dogs, we've seen countless personalities.

Some are social butterflies.

Some have a few carefully chosen canine friends.

Some would much rather spend their time with their humans.

The goal shouldn't be to make every dog love every other dog.

The goal is a dog that can cope comfortably and appropriately with the world around them.

So next time somebody tells you that your dog needs to “socialise more”, it may be worth asking a different question:

Does my dog actually need more interaction, or do they need to learn that they can be calm around other dogs without interacting at all?

Neil’s Top Tip 🐾

Stop measuring socialisation by how many dogs your dog meets.

One of the best skills you can teach is simply to see another dog and carry on. Don't automatically tighten the lead, cross over to introduce them or encourage a greeting. Give your dog space, keep moving and reward calm engagement with you.

Your dog doesn't need to be everybody's friend. They need to learn how to be comfortable in everybody's world.